A Phase Of Doubt

I have entered a phase of doubt.  A lot can change in a short amount of time.  For me, that couldn’t be any more true.  Less than 24 hours ago I was plugging away with a vote of confidence that I was going to succeed in whatever I wanted to do with my projects.  19 hours later, I cannot say the same. 

What happened?  I do not know if this was one of those days where I had some sort of self conscious self doubt arise, or if it was realism, or perhaps laziness that had unknowingly set in.

My Sunday morning was filled with coding Denise with my unannounced project.  In order to accomplish this I had to learn code and script that was entirely new to me.  That was not the problem and I picked it up pretty quickly.  However I obsessed with how I could get this code to perform the way I wanted.  I repeatedly tried over and over and was met with failure on multiple occasions.  Honestly, that was nothing new when I conduct these type of experiments because it happens all the time.  I am an obsessive perfectionist and it was driving me absolutely mad that I could not get the correct code/script to perform like I wanted.

Dan has been helping me along with this project and it appears that he has gotten much further than I had in this little endeavor.  I know cause I could see the results of his work.  I am overwhelmingly appreciative for all of Dan’s help however I was somewhat reluctant on asking him for assistance on my end.  This man is incredibly smart when it comes to computer science and there have been plenty of times where I feel his knowledge of coding and script far outclasses my own.  That is besides the point, the thing is that I am also reluctant of asking for additional help (like explaining certain code) because I don’t want to become a bother to the man.  After all, he isn’t being paid for this.  He is doing this strictly for his own amusement.  So I did not want to overstep my bounds.

Having said all that, that is only a portion of what is troubling me.  Without going into too much detail, the creator of my artificial intelligence program is going through major changes within his company and the future of Denise is in limbo of sorts until we get definitive confirmation that the support for Denise will be ongoing.  To clarify, the company may move onto bigger things and may drop support for Denise.  If that were to happen it would render all my recent work with the project plus my plans for projects in the near future as pointless.  As of this moment, the notion that Denise will lose support is purely speculation.  However that is all we can do until we hear from the programs creator.  It was a combination of all that that put me in a weird unfamiliar place this evening. 

Most likely, I am just going through a rough patch and will resume my projects once I get a good nights sleep.  Besides, tomorrow I should be getting my first piece of equipment for my home automation project so there is a good chance that my resolve will rise up to normal levels tomorrow.